Building Community When It’s Hard to Keep Friends: How to Cultivate Connection in a Disconnected World

We live in a time where maintaining meaningful connections can feel increasingly elusive. Between juggling our responsibilities and the ever-present digital noise, it’s easy to let friendships slip through the cracks. Days turn into weeks, and suddenly the people we once felt close to seem far away. Yet, deep down, we all crave community—something solid, genuine, and lasting. Relationships are the foundation of our well-being, but what happens when we struggle to keep them strong? How do we cultivate community when it feels like life keeps pulling us apart?

Research has shown that meaningful relationships can lead to greater happiness, reduced stress, and even longer lifespans. The challenge, then, is how to foster these connections when life seems to keep pulling us apart. In this post, we’ll explore some practical ways to build and sustain community, even when it feels hard to keep friends.

The Importance of Friendship and Community

Before diving into strategies, it’s worth noting just how crucial friendships are. A Harvard study on adult development found that the quality of our relationships is the single biggest predictor of our happiness and well-being. Strong social ties help us navigate life’s challenges, give us a sense of belonging, and foster a deeper sense of purpose.

But as we grow older, keeping friends often becomes more challenging. Busy schedules, changing life stages, and even geography can pull us apart. Loneliness can creep in, even when we’re surrounded by people. That's why cultivating community, whether it’s through friendships or other social circles, is essential.

1. Be Intentional About Reaching Out

One of the biggest reasons friendships fade is a lack of intentionality. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “I’ll reach out when I have more time,” but that time often never comes. To keep connections alive, we must be proactive. This means regularly checking in with friends, whether through a quick text, phone call, or video chat.

Research from Robin Dunbar, a British anthropologist known for his work on social connections, suggests that we can only maintain about 150 relationships at once, and within that number, only a handful are deep, close friendships. To maintain those core relationships, you need to nurture them regularly.

2. Cultivate Community in Small Ways

Building community doesn’t always require grand gestures or large groups. Sometimes, it’s the small, consistent actions that make the biggest difference. Invite a friend to coffee or plan a low-key gathering at home. Even creating a group text where friends can share updates or laugh about life can foster connection.

Another idea is to join or start a small community based on your interests—book clubs, hiking groups, or even a virtual community around a shared passion. These small, intentional spaces allow you to meet new people, form bonds, and build connections over time.

3. Be Open to New Friendships

It’s easy to feel nostalgic for past friendships and think, “I’ll never meet people like that again.” But clinging to this mindset can close us off to new connections. While it’s important to nurture old relationships, being open to new friendships is equally valuable. Friendships form in all stages of life—sometimes where you least expect them.

A great place to start is by looking at the people already in your orbit—colleagues, neighbors, or acquaintances. Often, potential friendships are right in front of us, waiting to be deepened.

4. Create Opportunities for Connection

If you find yourself longing for more community, it might be time to create it. Host a gathering, invite others into a group activity, or even start a casual gathering in your neighborhood, like a potluck or game night. These are low-pressure ways to bring people together and build meaningful relationships.

In fact, research by sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst found that people are more likely to form friendships in structured, recurring environments, such as classes, work, or hobby groups. These spaces create natural opportunities for deeper connections to form over time.

5. Practice Vulnerability

One of the biggest barriers to deep friendships is the fear of vulnerability. We often hesitate to open up, worried about being judged or rejected. But vulnerability is what allows friendships to deepen. Being honest about your struggles, sharing your true self, and being open to others' experiences creates authentic bonds.

In my work as a hospice chaplain, I’ve witnessed how deep connections can be formed in moments of vulnerability. I’ve sat with patients and their families who, in their most difficult moments, found comfort and connection simply by being present for one another, by listening without judgment, and by allowing their true feelings to surface. When we’re brave enough to show up fully—both in good times and in bad—our relationships take on new depth.

6. Embrace Imperfection

One thing that holds many of us back from forming lasting connections is the expectation that friendships should always be perfect. In reality, every relationship has ups and downs. Conflicts, misunderstandings, and periods of distance are natural, but they don’t have to spell the end of a friendship.

Being willing to work through these challenges, to forgive and seek understanding, allows relationships to grow stronger. It’s through the imperfections that we learn to love and appreciate one another more fully.

7. Let Go of Relationships That No Longer Serve You

As much as we should nurture important friendships, it’s also necessary to recognize when certain relationships no longer serve us. Sometimes, friendships run their course, and that’s okay. If a relationship feels one-sided, draining, or toxic, it may be time to let go and create space for new, more aligned connections.

Cultivating community isn’t always easy, especially when life feels busy or overwhelming. But the effort is worth it. By being intentional, open, and willing to create opportunities for connection, we can foster meaningful friendships and community, no matter the challenges.

In my work as a hospice chaplain, I’ve seen firsthand how community can sustain us through life’s hardest moments. It doesn’t take grand gestures—just a willingness to be present, to be open, and to care. Whether you’re rekindling old friendships or forming new ones, remember that connection is at the heart of our human experience. And with a little intention and care, we can all build the community we need.

With Love,

Gene Quiocho