The Power of Grace: A Journey in Letting Go
Grace is one of those elusive concepts that we hear about, often admire, but rarely allow ourselves to fully embrace. In today’s fast-paced, achievement-oriented world, we’ve been conditioned to believe that everything must be earned—success, love, respect, even self-worth. But here’s the profound truth: grace doesn’t operate on that principle. It’s not transactional. Grace simply is.
Grace, by its very nature, is undeserved and unearned. It flows when we allow it, both to ourselves and others. It is the bridge that connects us from where we are to where we aspire to be—not by forcing our way there, but by trusting the process, letting go of perfectionism, and recognizing that we are enough, even in our moments of failure.
Grace in the Everyday Struggles
In my work as a hospice chaplain, I’ve witnessed the raw beauty of grace in the most difficult moments. When someone is nearing the end of their life, they aren’t thinking about whether they “earned” enough or achieved all their goals. More often than not, they’re seeking peace—peace with themselves, peace with their relationships, and peace with the inevitable unknown.
But here’s the thing: as a caregiver, you can’t pour from an empty cup. One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned in hospice work is how to offer grace to myself. There are days when I feel drained, days when I don’t have all the right words, and days when I’m unsure if I’m doing enough for my patients or their families. In those moments, I have to remind myself that grace is for me too.
Finding Grace in Imperfection
I remember one patient who was struggling to let go of the idea that they had to tie up every loose end before they passed. Their family was tense, worried about unfinished business, and I could feel the pressure weighing on everyone in the room. There was this pervasive sense that nothing would be “complete” unless every last conversation was had, every misunderstanding was resolved.
But life—and death—doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is let go and allow grace to enter where closure can’t. It’s in that space, the space of surrender, where true healing begins.
After spending time with that patient and their family, I began to reflect on how often I carry that same mindset in my own life. How often do we hold ourselves to impossible standards? How often do we think that, until we’re perfect or have everything figured out, we aren’t deserving of rest, compassion, or peace?
In that moment, I realized that just as my patient needed to give themselves grace, so did I. I had to let go of the idea that I always needed to have the right words or answers. I had to accept that, in the complexity of human life, it’s okay to be imperfect. Grace enters when we allow ourselves to breathe in those moments of imperfection.
The Practice of Giving Yourself Grace
Here’s the thing: offering grace to others is often easier than giving it to ourselves. We understand that others are human, that they make mistakes, and that they’re doing their best. But when it comes to ourselves? We can be our own harshest critics. We expect perfection. We expect to always be “on.”
But grace is a practice, not a one-time event. It’s something we have to actively choose, especially in those moments when we feel like we’ve fallen short.
Here’s how I’ve started practicing grace in my own life:
Acknowledge Your Humanity: It’s easy to forget that you are human. You are allowed to make mistakes, to have bad days, to not have all the answers. In my hospice work, I remind myself that showing up with empathy and presence is enough.
Release the Need for Perfection: Perfection is a moving target, and chasing it will only leave you exhausted. Allow yourself the space to be imperfect, and trust that your efforts are enough.
Pause and Reflect: When I feel overwhelmed by the weight of expectations, I take a moment to pause. Sometimes, I’ll reflect on a patient’s journey and how, in their most vulnerable moments, they find peace not through control but through surrender. That’s the lesson I try to carry forward.
Extend Grace in All Directions: Grace isn’t just for others—it’s for you, too. The next time you catch yourself being overly critical or feeling like you haven’t done enough, stop. Remind yourself that grace is about accepting yourself as you are, flaws and all.
The Liberation of Grace
Grace is not a finish line; it’s a way of being. It’s the ability to be kind to ourselves, especially when we don’t feel deserving of it. It’s the realization that you don’t have to earn every moment of peace—that sometimes, peace comes from letting go of the need to control everything.
I’ve found that grace, in its purest form, allows us to embrace our own humanity. It frees us from the relentless pursuit of perfection and gives us permission to simply be. And when we can offer that grace to ourselves, it extends outward to those around us.
In the work I do with patients, grace shows up in the quiet moments—when the need to “fix” fades, and the beauty of just being present takes over. That’s the lesson I carry with me, and it’s one I hope we can all embrace. Grace isn’t about doing more—it’s about accepting that you’re enough, right now, in this moment.
With Love,
Gene Quiocho
